Metafiction - Living

             About three years of my KMLA life had passed, with the same routine of classes and studying all over again. Then, suddenly, I had felt this urge to tell what I have learned through my life, a value that I consider important for everyone, including myself. Desperate I was to tell my story, but it was Sunday and I had no ways to spread my thoughts to the whole school. Luckily, tomorrow is Monday, and we have morning assembly. I did not ask for permission to deliver my speech, but I don't care. This is important, and I have to say it out loud.

             I woke up early, partly excited from thinking of my speech, but I also had this unknown feeling of worry. It seems to lie somewhere deep inside. I don't know why, but it is there for sure. Maybe it's the stage fright. I had few chances to speak my mind in front of such a large audience and I now have an audience of approximately 500 people. With such thoughts in mind, I went up the cafeteria to have breakfast.

             As I was eating, I thought of yesterday's dinner. It's been a few days since my mom didn't give me my meals. We had a one week vacation from school, and suddenly my mom didn't give me breakfast, lunch, or dinner anymore. Well, actually it was since my mom had a big cry on one night. Must be something awful, since she didn't have a conversation with me from then. She seemed to live in a world of different dimension from me. To say the truth, I was little hurt, but what can I do? I decided to understand her pain and let her be.

             After finishing, I hurried to the gym to get a good look of the place I will be presenting. It will probably relieve my stage fright and this little worry. Strolling around, I reorganized my thoughts and waited for other students to appear. Soon, students arrived and the morning assembly started.

             "Next, we will have salute to the flag. All rise."

             The assembly droned on and on and I waited for the perfect timing to go up the stage. Then, after singing the national anthem, there was a slight pause.

             'This is it!'

             I ran up the stairs and to the podium. I took a deep breath, looked around, and opened my mouth.

         "Nowadays, life is like a spinning wheel. I am like a puny little hamster frantically moving my feet, trying to catch up with the speed of the wheel. However, the energy also powers the wheel itself. The faster the hamster runs, the faster the hamster will have to run. Ironically, the hamster is still in the same place, no matter how much time has passed.
             The future seems to be far away as you're going round repeatedly to catch up the speed of fast-rolling wheel, you must hold your soul and pretend not to be hurt. Contradictorily, as much you pretend to be strong, the more pain you'll be dived into. The more pain you feel, the more you hide yourself. The time seems to crush down out of your reach. However, as you already know, the wheel keeps spinning."
             I looked at the audience, but no one seemed to be interested in my speech. Neither were the teachers. Maybe my speech lacks impact. I pulled my voice into a higher tone.
             "Maybe that is why time is more precious than gold. How much progress one has made depends on him, but time passes uncontrollably. One might be trapped in his own trepidation about losing the race. Once the hamster loses the courage to continue running, the wheel stops. When the wheel stops, the hamster stops. Time is merely a means, a measure of how much one has gone forward. Time cannot crush one down, but the fear of time can."
             Still, no one seemed to be interested in my speech. Next, I found myself desperately screaming the next lines.
             " It sounds very philosophical and far away from us, talking about spinning wheels. but it all comes down to our lives right now, the life in KMLA. It seems like you're in the same spot no matter what you do. Somedays, you feel too tired to catch up with the spinning wheel that, from some point of my life, started to spin on without my will wanting, and begging to stop, but being unable to, is what dominates my mind nowadays."

             'Why? Don't the other students feel like this?'

             I felt hot sorrow gagging my throat. In my life, I tried to be perfect at everything that I did. Maybe too obsessed to be true. Every time I tried to be perfect, what I did seemed to be full of flaws. More I tried, more I became tired and obsessed with my work. The work became clumsy, and I was full of despair. I wanted to come out of this madness, wanted someone to hold me back and say that it is okay to make mistakes. Inside of me begged, but no one could listen. The only thing on my shoulder was expectations. Then, I thought it was better to die.

             Now, I realized that that is not my true feelings. I want to live again. Thanks for listening to my speech.